I started this blog several times this week. Ideas and thoughts run through my head. But actually ... actually I don't know.
I know how to maintain home quarantine. There is plenty to do.
I know how to help others in a small way, message here, phone call there.
We now have a rhythm here at home of play, work and study.
But if I'm very honest ...
I always turn to my creative brain in survival mode. Whatever is going on in the world. I have to survive. I create things to survive. My family has to survive and they count on me. So I create...
So I make daily rhythm cards to provide structure.
I make coloring pages to keep the kids busy.
I create games to practice social skills.
I write something every day, but actually I don't write what it's all about, I write around the big knit.
I do paint, but it's more like smearing some paint on a canvas.
I'd rather watch TV than draw.
I'd rather make lists than finish them.
I don't really want to feel despair. The lostness.
I don't want to hear the silence, so I'm create a good time here in this home.
I prefer not to look inside myself, so I follow the news closely.
I use my creative brain to appease myself, it will be fine.
After 4 days of quarantine I suddenly read the word home retreat. Not quarantine but retreat. The moment of reflection, self-examination and personal growth. It triggers me. I want that too. I also want to return to balance and full presence in life. Not necessarily on the street, not necessarily back to the old, but from myself back to awareness.
Realizing that I have calmed myself already creates an opening.
How can I live more consciously? How can I be myself in the chaos of the world, in the family life that is now continuously in this house.
I close this blog and investigate.